JOURNAL : Confusion in Lessons

Anonymous wrote:

"Glad to see your works in progress and found something you do like. Not meaning to be critical, just observing. You seemed confused awhile back (yes, I've followed your blogs)-- aspiring makeup artist, musician, nursing student, working on your weight issues (exercise, eating disorder). You're talented (not that the opinion of a stranger should matter). Have a wonderful day!"

Dear Anonymous:

First, thank you for having read all of my blogs. I'm amazed someone put up with all that.

Second, people don't usually call me confused. That's quite a nice word to describe me because I'm more used to hearing one or more of the following: stupid, unaccomplished, worthless, childish, a complete failure, spoiled, "grow up and get a real job," and, "everything Gemma does just falls through the roof."

Because I have struggled so much with confusion and because I am aware that many young people struggle with it, I must take this opportunity to write a little about it.

Lesson #1: It is normal to be confused.

There are many people who subscribe to a linear theory of life. For example, if you like science, then major in biology and become a doctor. Or, if you play the flute well, then major in music and play in the symphony. End of story. Get married, settle down, pay your mortgage until you retire and kick the bucket. Sounds fun, right? Some people do have one interest and one passion and do follow it for the entirety of their lives with great satisfaction. There is no problem with that. However, for many people, life actually happens according to a phenomenon known as chaos theory.

Lesson # 2: A brief survey of Chaos Theory

In chaos theory, life unfolds as you follow different point attractors (people you like to be around, events that catch you interest, classes which inspire you, hobbies that interest you), so your actions don't often seem to make sense. You appear to be wandering about, confused, crazy, lacking in direction and purpose, working countless of random jobs, etc. In reality, to change one's mind and want to explore and discover oneself is human nature. Contradiction is the seed of consciousness, and not to ever wonder, doubt, question yourself, be confused, or make mistakes is to remain very immature.

The most important thing to note when discussing chaos theory is that chaos theory does not imply that all of life is destined to be a series of random, disconnected ventures. No, the heart of chaos theory lies in the fact that amidst all the chaos, an underlying pattern inevitably emerges. Systems ultimately reveal an order. It's science.

For me, through all of my various life ventures thus far, writing has been the one thing that keeps popping back up no matter how many jobs I work, majors I've tried, friends I've had, schools I've attended, or interests I've pursued. Writing is the one field that is not only well-matched to my personal set of skills but also lends a deep sense of purpose and meaning to my life.

Lesson #3: Shit happens.

Pardon my French. Sometimes, you have a singular path that you want to follow, but obstacles will inevitably pop up. At that point, you have to decide whether you want this thing badly enough to keep going after it despite the obstacle or sometimes, you have to open your mind to the idea that perhaps the obstacle is there because this singular path you want to follow may not be the right one for you. In chaos theory, making this decision is called phase shifting. It's a fancy-pants word for evaluating a situation and then changing your mind based on the new information that you've gleaned. It's okay to do that. Not everyone can live out their childhood dreams of being Indiana Jones. It does not mean you are a failure.

Lesson #4: There is something to learn from every situation and sometimes it's just, "Wow, that sucked and I am NEVER doing that again."

It is true, I did seem confused in the past because I was. I still am. I do not have all the answers. What I am pursuing now may, "fall through the roof," three months later. Who knows? The reality of it is that we cannot predict the distant future with great certainty, but we can step back and evaluate our lives objectively by taking into consideration what we know right now, what we stand to gain, and what we are willing to learn.

As our lives evolve and as we evolve as people, we partake in that crazy, chaotic thing known as the human experience. In doing so, we fulfill our purposes here on earth, we find satisfaction within, and we are able to serve the world around us in our own unique way.

PUBLISHING PROCESS : Nonfiction Title Guidelines

According to Jeff Herman of the Jeff Herman Literary Agency, LLC, one of the guidelines for coming up with a successful title for a nonfiction work is to keep it around 5 words followed by a subtitle of generally 10 words. Herman stresses that this is not a hard-and-fast rule, just a guideline. Here are some examples of memorable nonfiction titles that operate by Herman's algorithm:

I'm not a fan of the relentless positive-thinking trend but the title, in all of its alliterative glory, is an attention-grabber:

This one is a little longer than the 5 words, but there is very powerful language at play here. I haven't actually read this book, but it seems like something I ought to read since I am a bit of a hermit (kidding, kidding, but not really) :

Who could forget this one? I remember seeing every version and spin off of this book on my mom's shelf. Herman usually recommends that the title be more straightforward and descriptive as opposed to something more literary like this one, but there are exceptions to every rule:

I personally love the title of this next one. I don't necessarily love (or hate) the book, but the title is genius. The connotations of boldness and change associated with the word audacity layered on top of the connotations of safety and simplicity in the word hope? GENIUS! Yes, I am a bit of a nut for actual words. I call myself a synesthete for words.

PUBLISHING PROCESS : Class 101

An insight into the publishing process from Jenni Schaefer, Author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me.

How did you get your first book published?

1. I spent several months writing a detailed book proposal. (I wrote the book proposal before I finished writing the book.) To write my proposal, I used Jeff Herman's book, Write the Perfect Book Proposal.

2. I looked for literary agents who might be interested in my work by searching www.publishersmarketplace.com and by using Jeff Herman's book, Writer's Guide to top Book Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents.

3. I sent a brief one-page query letter to many agents describing my book and asking them if they would like to see my book proposal. (Jeff Herman’s books talk about how to write a query letter.) I did not send the book proposal initially—I just mailed the query letter.

4. I sent my book proposal to only those literary agents who requested it. From there, I signed with an agent who was interested. My agent found my publisher. (Important Note: A reputable literary agent will not ask for money up front. They only get paid if they secure a book deal, usually receiving 15% of an author’s earnings. Always ask an attorney to review a contract before signing.)

For more, visit her website here : Jenni Schaefer

PHOTOS: Fall Concert '09, Houston Baptist University

My surrogate family and I after my boyfriend's concert.

STOLEN THOUGHTS : Thanks, Robert Frost

I could read this poem until my eyes glaze over with admiration. Inspiring in its simplicity yet provoking in its complexity, the perfect blend of subtle nuance and unbridled honesty.

Thanks, Robert Frost by David Ray

Do you have hope for the future?
someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end.
Yes, and even for the past, he replied,
that it will turn out to have been all right
for what it was, something we can accept,
mistakes made by the selves we had to be,
not able to be, perhaps, what we wished,
or what looking back half the time it seems
we could so easily have been, or ought...
The future, yes, and even for the past,
that it will become something we can bear.
And I too, and my children, so I hope,
will recall as not too heavy the tug
of those albatrosses I sadly placed
upon their tender necks. Hope for the past,
yes, old Frost, your words provide that courage,
and it brings strange peace that itself passes
into past, easier to bear because
you said it, rather casually, as snow
went on falling in Vermont years ago.

BOOK REVIEW : Bulimia: A Guide to Recovery by Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn

PROS : This book does a very good job of exploring the reasoning behind bulimic behavior (rarely, if ever, is bulimia actually about weight), and the author's personal story is an engaging read.

CONS : Too much of this guide centers around reducing the readily apparent symptoms of bulimia as opposed to finding ways with which to nip the underlying causes of the disease. For example, the guide recommends creating a list of things to do instead of bingeing and purging. To me, that seems like telling someone with the chicken pox to create a list of things to do instead of itch.




The methods in this manual may work temporarily, but be aware that many of the suggestions in this book are simply distractions, superficial attempts to mask the symptoms of bulimia. If you have never sought treatment, this book is a good place to start, but know that complete recovery is going to take so much more. If you are serious about recovery or learning about bulimia, I highly recommend Aimee Liu's book entitled Gaining, the truth about life after eating disorders . It gives a much more comprehensive view of the time and investment it takes to overcome an eating disorder, and it also provides indispensable insight on what it really means to successfully recover.

PHOTOS: HBU RJ's Conducting Recital Oct. '09, Houston TX

EDITORIAL-This is the Beginning of the End: Why America is Headed for Inevitable Disaster

The idea of a “social contract” consists of an unspoken understanding between generations in which older and younger generations agree to take care of each other in a kind of symbiotic relationship. This unspoken promise inevitably leads to a guarantee that hard work and education will be rewarded with success and stability. That is, the older generation will provide for the younger in terms of things like education and job opportunities and the younger will provide for the older in terms of things like social security and healthcare. However, in order for such an idealistic relationship to exist, certain conditions must be met. Economic trends, government policies and the mindset of the public must all work together in order to cultivate a properly functioning social contract. In her book, Declining Fortunes: The Withering of the American Dream, author Katherine Newman argues that in the United States, the contract has been broken and its destruction has created a ripple effect in which new social contracts have difficulty forming in the aftermath of previously broken social contracts.

Newman begins by elaborating on certain traditions upon which America has been built. Among these traditions are the idea that middle-class Americans tend to hope that the next generation will fare better than the present generation and tend to believe that hard work will lead to upward mobility. However, it appears that younger generations are worse-off than their predecessors and that forces such as the economy and job market no longer guarantee that hard work and a good education will lead to success. Newman poses the ultimate question: will the United States and those in power reverse this trend and lead generations back to a mindset in which the older helps the younger and vice versa or will social responsibility continue to decline as each person becomes increasingly concerned with only his or her own welfare?

Let's explore the destruction of the social contract with a specific example: the American public school system. Newman begins by discussing how the public mindset has contributed to the lack of funding for public schools. Taxpayers increasingly reject school budget proposals and retirees no longer feel the need to pay for services like education that do not directly benefit them. Next, Newman discusses the economy’s contribution to the problem of funding public schools; higher mortgage rates create a mentality that there is no money to spare for schools and businesses that would normally invest in public school systems to produce more skilled workers, are looking for ways to cut corners on expenses because the market for many businesses is no longer favorable. Last, the government itself contributes to the problem of funding for public schools. Federal contributions toward financial aid have declined and universities are forced to make admissions decisions based on who can pay and who can receive government aid while the greater majority of the middle class is left out. In short, public mindset, economic trends and government policies all contribute to the decline of the American public school system, and a poor educational system continues the cycle of destruction as it pumps out workers who are ill-prepared to deal with what awaits them.

Will anyone step up and become responsible for the destruction of America’s social contracts? Are we beyond the point of repair? Newman believes that great nations are built upon unspoken concepts of social responsibility and she outlines a grim fate for the United States if nothing is done to repair its broken social contracts. She pleas for government action, action by the private sector of society, and a commitment from every individual to become socially responsible in order to start repairing America’s broken social contracts.

PHOTOS: Moody Gardens Summer '09, Galveston TX

POEM : Morning Coffee

How often you spoiled her with your

masculine, musky aroma,

slightly sweet like cinnamon cloves

yet rich like warm vanilla swirled with a teaspoon of forbidden rum.

The hem of her white T-shirt grazed her young thighs,

the tips of her toes pressed quietly into the dark-oak, wooden floors,

her honeysuckle perfume like candied pecans

lingering lazily in the air behind her.

Parted lips revealed her tiny goose-pimpled, pink tongue,

tracing the inside rim of your hardened, ceramic lip.

Heated essence of life, hot liquor rushing through her body like

fingers curling around, grasping the collar of a starched, cotton blouse.

Drowning in the scent of cedar and nicotine,

one intoxicating hour early in the morning while

the muted white-glow of dawn softly massaged the sheer window curtains

and the rest of the house still slumbered, obliviously unaware.